I really want to share this incredible story!
A fantastic writer, in this post Claire goes into massive detail about her dieting history, her relationships with food and exercise, and much more. She’s allowed me to share this here, so hope you guys enjoy!
I added the headings, but all other words are Claire’s.
Deciding to join online PT training was one of the smartest decisions I have ever made.
I had dieted on and off for the best part of 6 years, each time gaining a little more.
I put off joining for so long as I was scared. I really thought PT was for body builders and I would be given a diet plan that consisted of just protein shakes, chicken and rice. Also, I just wasn’t the “exercise type”. I was too unfit,
I joined a well-known slimming club, and was in line to get weighed and overheard a conversation between two other women who admitted to taking laxatives the day before weighing in.
I thought,” fuck this! I walked out and did some searching.
It was actually a friend who told me to check Steve’s fitness page. Straight away he was ripping shreds into these slimming groups and telling it like it really is, so I thought this type of honest, no bullshit approach was exactly what I needed.
Now I’m a simple eater. I’m not into fancy food. I grew up around food that was plucked from my own garden, so I was anticipating having to give up a lot of the food I enjoyed to lose weight.
So when I was told I could still eat what I wanted, I thought, oh crap this guy is a crook, he’s going to take my money, and I’ll be left just as fat! Well, thankfully, that couldn’t have been further from the truth, I did in fact shift a lot of weight all the while still eating my mince and tatties, mac and cheese, Sunday roasts and the occasional glass of wine!
The program is actually easy to follow, all the education and support is there, and it’s tailored for you.
What I didn’t anticipate was what this programme would actually do for my life. It’s also like having your own personal therapist!
It forces you to think about why you are the way you are. And be brutally honest with yourself and take ownership of your lifestyle and choices.
If you think about it, no one is overweight and breathing out their arse climbing a flight of stairs because they want to be that way. So how and why did i end up that way?
I will share something with you. I had absolutely no respect for myself, I mean none!
Many years ago, I was in an abusive relationship, and although I healed and moved on happily. I let myself view my body just as they did.. Absolutely nothing.
This body had been beaten, abused, violated, controlled and ridiculed. When I ran, all I cared about was freedom. Don’t get me wrong, it was liberating and definitely one of the proudest moments of my life getting out, but I think I buried the emotions and carried the shame a lot longer than I thought.
My body was just that, a body. I had no relationship with it, in fact, I hated it. Couldn’t even name one thing I liked about it. I referred to myself as “a beast”. Now to meet me in person you would never have known I felt that way, as I didn’t really realise the full extent of it myself. As that’s what we women do, what society has taught us, to have a moan about our imperfections, right?
Every decision I made was due to how I viewed myself. I let myself get big because I didn’t care what I put into it… It’s just a body!
The way I viewed myself just effected every aspect of my life, I couldn’t apply for better jobs, because there’s no way I would be taken seriously. “I mean look at me”, I can’t go to that night out as I will be the fattest one there. He cheated on you “well of course he did, look at the state of you, you’re asking for it”
And all I could think was if I just lost weight everything will be better. Things will just fall into place. But this journey for me actually turned out to be far more than just losing weight, it was also a mental health and mindfulness journey too. It did not happen overnight and Steve certainly had his work cut out with me.
But a journey takes time, and time will pass anyway so may as well spend it working towards something you actually want.
So I did…
And here’s how.
The education on nutrition I actually found easy, so much so that I was able to stop tracking my foods quite quickly. I loved having control of that, I was finally nurturing my body, learning about vitamins, protein, figuring out how to fuel it. Learning how to navigate nights out, hormones and even sickness.
Don’t get me wrong. I made a few slips along the way, but I was never shamed for it. The total opposite, Steve would make you work out what to do better the following week. There are always messages from others in the group that remind you that you are not alone. And watching others succeed helped me to continue… Consistence is key.
Physical activity was a massive hurdle for me. I hated my body that much that I couldn’t do work outs, I felt weak, ridiculous, I’m too fat to be doing this, I’m a beast, too unfit. I would tell myself it would be better if I just lost a little weight first, I would actually cry at myself.
At one point I thought I just couldn’t do this, then came the Monday morning voice note from Steve with my weekly check in. He said it needed to start with me talking to myself differently. Change the narrative. If I had a friend that spoke to me the way I spoke about myself, would I still be friends with that person? He also suggested I start by just going for walks.
So I walked every day, and each day I would say 3 positive things/affirmations about myself.
After 2 weeks, I was ready to try a full workout.
But how would I do that? I went into my spare room, shut the blinds, closed the curtains and I used a flat sheet to cover up the mirrors, so I couldn’t look at myself.
I tried, and I kept trying, and every Monday Steve would offer his support and encouragement, weekly check-ins where I had to say what my wins were. I used to struggle with it. I used to think, well, nothing really was good enough to count as a win! But he would always dig deep and make positive and encouraging comments for me. I think having that support and someone who believes in you when you don’t believe in yourself acts like an incredible force. Striving you to continue.
I even struggled to take progress pictures of myself, yip I hated my body that much. He just had faith and trust that I was doing it and every few months I would share a photo.
Seeing the changes was amazing, buying new clothes amazing, but the growth in my confidence, my self-belief and self-worth actually came from those workouts in that dark, mirror covered room. Because I was getting stronger, fitter. So one day i opened the blinds, if people want to stare then so what. Then down came the sheets covering the mirrors.
