Claire’s story continued…
I remember people talking about that feeling, that rush you get after exercise, and I used to think there was something wrong with me, as I felt I was weak, disgusting and ridiculous. That’s how low I was. But I soon began to chase that rush, and I started lifting weights. Game changer!
I got hooked on this, I wanted to learn how to workout with weights, there was just something about lifting that triggered something in my brain.
Steve regularly uploaded workouts and exercises technique’s that I would study and practice. He would have set workouts and challenges to do which surprisingly i strived to achieve. Steve suggested I might enjoy running outdoors or gym.
Not a hope in hell, I might be confident doing my workouts in the comfort of my own home but in public!! Not a chance in hell!!
So what came next. Steve’s gym anxiety seminar.
He suggested I go into a gym and just walk around, familiarise myself with it. Do it a few times.
When I walked in the anxiety that hit me was unreal! Every inch of my skin felt on fire, I was sweating, heart racing, I felt like everyone was staring at me, could feel those thoughts running back to me of how I don’t belong in a gym. I did not deserve to be there. I just wanted to run.
I didn’t give up though. I went back again and walked around, looked at the equipment, watching people on the machines. I’d like to say the anxiety reduced quickly but it didn’t. This took time.
Steve reminded me of how far I have come, and also got me thinking about the future where I want to be. So over some time and a structured program I gradually moved from my room into the gym.
Now I’m there 3-4 times a week, lifting weights in front of other people and a mirror where the only remark in my head is “just one more set” the only criticism I pass on myself is if my technique slips.
I could honestly write a novel on my progress in greater detail.
But my advice to anyone no matter what size you are is get PT support!! You cannot fail with Steve’s Phoenix plan. If I can anyone can. As cliché as it sounds. I’m definitely one that risen from the ashes. To change who you are, you’re habits, your lifestyle, thoughts, actions, mind-set is hard to do to but not impossible. It’s changed my life, I’m enjoying life, living it not just existing in it.
I read somewhere that when you’re changing your life to move on fully you should write a letter to your former self and burn it.
This was my letter.
To that former fat body that I shamed for many years.
I owe you many apologies.
I’m sorry that I let you feel that you didn’t deserved anything in life.
I’m sorry that I made you believe you were not good enough.
I’m sorry that I hid you away and made you feel like you were powerless, fat and ugly.
I’m sorry that I made you think you could not succeed
For so long I judged you and evaluated your worth based on your size and past experiences.
I failed to acknowledge your potential, your bravery, will power and strength
I can now see how amazing you are, you have recovered when pushed you past your limits.
You faced your fears, taken risks and have flourished.
You are wonderful and know exactly what you are doing and where you want to go in life.
And to “my body”, from now on I will listen to you, respect you and care for you, we will work out, grow, thrive and live the life we deserve. You are going to be the best thing I will ever own.
♥
This is just a snippet of my journey. One I will always be thankful and grateful to Steve for.
It actually turned out way much better that I thought possible.
And the best is yet to come.
The group if full of amazing likeminded people, I never posted much but I owe them a thankyou as well as they were so inspirational that it helped you keep going.
